Category Archives: My Two Cents

Tarrying in town

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So, we added another few cities — Knoxville, Charleston, and Austin — to our mix of possible relocation spots, before deciding (for the moment) that we think we just might stay around here. Classic, huh?!

The Dillingham dudes stand 5,946-feet high atop Grandfather Mountain.

Yes, we love the mountains. Yes, we are up for adventures. Yes, we are outgrowing our house. And yes, we are seeking like-minded folks.

But yes, we’ve also realized how great we have it here. We are blessed with growing friendships, incredible neighbors, an amazing church, and a supportive homeschool group filled with kind and generous families.

Throughout all of this deliberation, I think our main goal was setting out to create and build strong relationships with other humans. I suppose the most apt assessment would be that we were in search of community.

See, Stephen and I have felt like square pegs for a long time now. And when the rest of the world abounds with round holes, it can feel quite isolating. Sure, individualism is a precious thing, but no man is an island, and most people yearn for social interactions that foster growth.

Daddy & the boys soak in all the beauty of the Blue Ridge. So darn pretty.

But so what if I’m considered a bit of a dissident in one realm of my life and then a little of a renegade in the another? Really, is that anything new? And really, would I have it any other way?!

After all, I’ve always had a rebellious streak. I mean, after realizing way back in middle school the foolishness of following the crowd, I’ve done a pretty thorough job of bucking conformity ever since. Stephen and I always get a chuckle when talking about how subversive our lives really are.

Just a few examples of our counter-cultural ways:

  • we’re married, monogamous, and have more than 1.2 kids;
  • we love Jesus, smoke cigars, drink beer, and occasionally cuss;
  • we believe in liberty, but also in virtue, morality, and objective truth;
  • we’re homeschoolers, who decided to homeschool well before we became Christians;
  • we often have more in common with the tattooed, pierced atheists than we do with church-going folks;
  • we attend a Gospel-centered house of worship, not a self-help church;
  • we delight in debate, disagreement, and discussing opinions that differ from ours;
  • we cling to our guns and religion, but we aren’t Republicans and we don’t say the Pledge of Allegiance.

After the boys & I scale Split Rock, Gabriel & I take a selife in front of some brilliant Flame Azalea bushes, which are scattered about the Grandfather landscape.

Stephen and I have discussed and prayed much about all this, and we just figured that God made us who we are for a reason and maybe we’re not supposed to fit in in order to glorify His purposes. Perhaps that’s our cross to bear.

And since we have come to appreciate all the incredible folks we know in our hometown, we might just stay put. It just took us a while and lots of reflection to see that the grass is actually pretty green right here.

Sure, we may relocate to another part of the county in an effort to shorten commutes and get a bit more space in the home, especially if Granny comes to live with us. (Keep your fingers crossed!) But we’re leaning toward not uprooting in a major way.

Instead, we will focus on the relationships we have here, try to grow in community, flourish in faith and knowledge, and still have as many adventures as we are able. That’s the plan for now … but knowing us, it can always change.

Yep, great family picture … other than my closed eyes & thunder thighs. Yikes! Still, everyone else looks rather handsome.

We finally took the boys to the summit of Grandfather Mountain — the wondrous and ancient pinnacle we’ve passed so many times on the way to Granny’s house. In fact, she got us free tickets to the notable Western Carolina destination to help ring in her much-deserved retirement!

After crossing the scary Mile High Swinging Bridge, we just let the quiet splendor of the Appalachians speak to us. Man, do I relish the mountains.

We also saw bears, otters, deer, a cougar, and a bald eagle in the wildlife habitat; climbed Split Rock for another sweet view; ate tons of locally made fudge; and (most importantly) got to spend some quality time with our beloved Granny!

Here we have a breathtaking backdrop, my husband NOT making a silly face (which is his usual M.O. for photos), & me … blinking. Sigh. Oh well, it’s still a nice shot taken by steady-hand Houston.

Other happenings:

  • The boys survived and thrived at Mountain Top Youth Camp. I’m especially proud of Gabe and Zeke, who tend to lean on mama a whole lot more than does Houston. Way to go, big boys!
  • Cousin Rick visited for the first time in almost six years. It was a chill weekend, and his rekindled passion for guitar has inspired Stephen and me to dust off ours. We plan on building are now-tender callouses into sturdy, guitar-playing machinery!
  • Gabriel and Zeke had their first piano lesson last Thursday! Their maturity with Miss Julie was evident, and our tripled time at her house was surprisingly calm and productive (i.e., we did school). I pray we maintain this happy pattern.
  • The dudes wrapped up baseball in late May. The Cardinals weren’t the best team, but boy, did everyone drastically improve their skills over the season. Also, a heartfelt thanks goes out to Daddy for getting them to all their practices!

Gabriel proudly displays his hand-crafted bow & arrow on pickup day @ Mountain Top. By that grin, I think it’s safe to say he had a blast @ homeschool camp!

  • We had our community group leaders, Andrew and Lindsey, and their daughter to our house for dinner recently. It was nice to get to know them better ’cause they are some solid folks.
  • Another great person is my pal, Adair, who had us over to her neighborhood pool last week. Her oldest kid, Will, is one of the 3 Amigos’ best buds, and we just so enjoy spending time with their whole crew. Such cool, genuine people!
  • The boys have gotten tight with Dixie, our homeschooled neighbor, who has always been a pal, but never really a BFF. But now, they all eagerly run out to meet each other and play four-square during “school day” lunch breaks, and get together for volleyball and water-gun battles in the evening. Good neighbors, rock!

The boys don’t want to leave camp & keep on playing “Ga Ga” w/ their friends. The game was all the rage for the first few days they were back home, but now Monopoly is again in the top spot.

Last but certainly not least, we went to Richmond to visit Gramsey, who recently had brain surgery! Yes, you heard me right. She had gotten CT-scan for a pain on one side of her head when the docs found a potentially deadly aneurysm on the opposite side.

Her operation went well, and her recovery has been quite speedy. She just has to avoid picking up heavy things and getting her heart rate too high for a while, which is actually challenging for my workhorse mother, but Papa is keeping her in check.

Strangely, the sciatica in her leg and hip, and the probably pinched nerve in her neck and head (opposite side of the aneurysm) are causing her more pain and grief than her post-surgery recovery. We love you, Gramsey, and are praying for your good health!

I pledge allegiance to only one authority

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The 3 Amigos are at summer camp right now; well, I guess it’s really “spring camp,” but we homeschoolers have to call it something, I suppose.

But before they left, they wrapped another successful year of Awana, where for 10 months they learned about Jesus and memorized tons of Scripture. Seriously, they can say way more Bible verses than can many longtime Christians. Impressive and fun!

At the CC end-of-the-year celebration, the dudes each got special certificates (well, not that special, since all the CC kiddos received them, but the boys think they’re swell). Zeke’s character award was for being “Enthusiastic,” Gabriel’s was “Energetic,” and Houston’s was “Focused, disciplined, and analytical.”

“Golden Garden Club” overwhelmingly wins by a show of hands as the official name of our summer hangout group.

Yep, those descriptions are quite apt. And even though I adore the twins’ vitality and remain cognizant of their individuality, unique learning styles, and personalities, I still look forward to Gabriel and Zeke’s growing maturity.

In fact, they’ve shown increased self-control even since CC ended, as we’ve still been doing education daily and plan on continuing throughout the summer. Now, I did start using essential oils per the suggestion of my pal, Holly, who says vetiver and ylang ylang are supposed to calm and relax.

However, I think the oils aren’t really all they’re cracked up to be, so I’m giving all the credit to Gabe and Zeke! And at least we all smell good.

I was asked to tutor CC next year. I thought about doing it in order to get some money back on tuition, but decided to decline the offer. I figured that saving a few bucks would not be worth the time and effort it would take to prep for teaching a three-hour class every Tuesday for 24 weeks.

Zeke & his new pal, Trenton, work as a team to get an entire row of seeds into the earth.

I also realized that the boys and I have finally gotten into an education groove. Hey, it only took three years, y’all!

Couple that with all the other places we have to be and things we have to do (like adding in piano lessons for the twins this summer!), and I didn’t want to upset our already delicate balance. After all, a frazzled, stressed-out mama ain’t good for nothin’!

The dudes have two baseball games remaining and seem to dramatically improve with each game. Stephen thinks Houston will be ready for more competitive ball next year, but the twins may need one more round at the Y just to hone skills, better understand rules, etc.

Another big seasonal happening is the Golden Garden Club. This is a bi-monthly summer playgroup of nine CC families and is hosted by Martha (who was Zeke’s tutor his first year of CC) and her five daughters.

The gatherings include horticulture stories, hands-on activities, eating, swimming, trampoline-jumping, and running around being free! It’s such a nice way to learn more about growing veggies and have a lot of fun in the process.

Houston uses a 12-inch stick to measure the spacing & then poke a hole in the dirt, so other kids can simply drop corn seeds into the garden.

However, the kick-off of club begins with a different family leading the Pledge of Allegiance each time. Is there no escape from the propagandistic racket pushed by government schools, even among my fellow home educators? Sigh.

“I believe a man is happier, and happy in a richer way, if he has ‘the freeborn mind.’ … For independence allows an education not controlled by Government; and in adult life it is the man who needs and asks nothing of Government who can criticize its acts and snap his fingers at its ideology. Read Montaigne; that’s the voice of a man with his legs under his own table, eating the mutton and turnips raised on his own land. Who will talk like that when the State is everyone’s schoolmaster and employer?” ― C.S. Lewis

As some of you may know, our family doesn’t recite the pledge. We have varied reasons for doing so, but here’s an overview, starting with the pledge’s sordid inception.

  • It was written by Francis Bellamy, a Christian Socialist of the late 19th-century progressive era and member of the Boston-born elitist socialist movement known as Nationalism.
  • Bellamy’s words echo the sentiments of his famous cousin, Edward Bellamy, who was an author of socialist-utopian novels, like “Looking Backward,” which greatly influenced none other than progressive public-school advocate, John Dewey.
  • In 1892, the pledge was published in a leading magazine of the day called “The Youth’s Companion” (YC) to ostensibly commemorate Columbus Day in public schools. This occasion would include the pledge recitation, as well as a new flag-raising ceremony.
  • Notably, most schools at that time didn’t have flags in the classroom nor in front of the buildings. So in 1888, YC began a campaign to sell flags to schools.

The kids do taste tests on a variety of seeds before planting. Among a sea of picky eaters, my little foodies & their adventurous palates thoroughly enjoy this portion of the lesson!

  • Having been fired from his minister job for incessantly preaching that Jesus was a socialist, Bellamy was hired by YC to help with the public-relations effort to push flags into schools.
  • This campaign included the National Education Association as a sponsor, and Congress and President Benjamin Harrison making a national proclamation about the Columbus Day pledge-and-flag event.
  • YC ended up selling more than 26,000 flags to schools for the celebration. Just goes to show that ensuring indoctrination while making some cash is always the right recipe for socialist success.
  • The original pledge was recited while raising a stiff right hand upward. Due to its similarities to the Nazi salute, this practice was discontinued during WWII and replaced with putting the right hand over one’s heart.
  • “Under God” was added to the pledge by Congress and President Eisenhower in 1954 at the urging of the Knights of Columbus.
  • And so the battle over these words has become an all-encompassing America straw man: while atheist-socialists fight to have the pledge taken out of schools, limited-government folks think they’re being both patriotic and faithful in promoting the pledge’s prominence.
  • There’s even more skeletons in the pledge’s closet, but you get the point.

Besides the unsavory history, a pledge is a serious and solemn promise and should not be taken lightly. And just because it’s, at worst, a forced loyalty oath of subordination, and at best, a socially sanctioned habit that few question doesn’t mean that I, as a student of history and a lover of freedom, should conform.

Gabriel takes his seed-planting job very seriously. A perk? Getting your hands & feet muddy!

Despite the shock of this stance, we simply want to avoid the idolatrous nature of vowing allegiance to a piece of cloth, our country’s alleged symbol of freedom. Instead, we will worship, praise, and pledge our devotion to the real thing, Jesus Christ.

God is our authority. And because He is loving, gracious, merciful, and forgiving, and we willingly submit to Him. (For people of faith, please check out this thought-provoking article.)

Moreover, the pledge is at odds with our libertarian principles. Thematically, it promotes a nationalistic dogma in order to cut at the heart of individualism and self-determination, and encourages a loyalty to state in order to seize power from we the people.

I also have a real problem with the language, specifically the word “indivisible.” If you can’t leave something you think is unjust, well, that’s antithesis of liberty.

American patriots during the Revolution wanted to break from the British Empire by ending their relationship with the crown. So really, our country was born in divisibility.

After a hard day toiling in the garden, the boys get to relax in their friend Will’s hot tub. What a hard life they lead?!

They believed that no association should be coerced, especially one to an overbearing central government. And all the states made doggone sure that this federal union was a voluntary compact before they ratified the U.S. Constitution.

Secession is part of our heritage, no matter what progressive pundits or mainstream Civil War historians say. Questioning the republic and the flag for which it stands is as American as apple pie; it is truly in line with our founding as a nation of conscience.

If you don’t believe me, check out the Virginia and Kentucky Resolutions. Here you’ll find that both Madison and Jefferson challenged the authority of one governmental entity ruling over the “sovereign” and “independent” many by promoting the remedies of “nullification” and “dissolution.” Sure sounds like a lot of divisibility going on to me.

But we aren’t barbarians, for goodness sake. We do have manners. So, at the opening of CC or garden club, we simply stand out of respect to our friends, but we don’t do the recitation or place our hands upon our hearts. Nuff said.

Liberty in Appalachia?!

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We’re still on the fence about moving to New Hampshire, or even moving at all, for that matter. Things are good, but we’re kinda bored.

Here’s the crux of it: Do we keep carving out our own niche here as Christians who happen to lean libertarian? Do we go searching for some kind of liberty-minded community in a far-off place in the hopes that our differences wouldn’t be so diverse as to get us shunned? Or are we seeking something that may not even exist?

“Here among the mountains, the pinions of thought should be strong, and one should see the errors of men from a calmer height of love and wisdom.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It sounds like an oxymoron, I know. But like I said previously, many in the liberty movement tend to super-categorize and label beliefs, practices, and lifestyles that run counter to theirs, thinking they know what’s best for all, instead of letting individuals and their families make these very personal choices.

Check out the boys’ $40 TIE fighter Lego set, which they got as a reward for Zeke finally having bladder control at night. Zeke got it for the obvious reason (way to go, dude!), but Houston and Gabriel also earned it for selflessly sharing their beds lo those many nights they had to share a bed due to bro’s wet sheets.

I suppose all humans do that to some degree, but I don’t like the feeling that I’m being boxed in to some kind of one-size-fits-all group that doesn’t let me be free to be who I am, to parent how I choose, to believe what I believe. That’s the point of freedom, right?! Oh how I yearn for live and let live.

In Christianity, we call this dichotomy essentials vs. non-essentials. The essentials are knowing that Jesus is the Son of God, who died for our sins and was resurrected; and through Him, we receive grace, forgiveness, and life eternal with the Father. All else is a non-essential — theological topics of debate, deeper introspection, and often derision.

The battle over non-essentials is what drives so many people away from Christianity, or at least the Christian church. In the Old Testament, it’s what is referred to as The Law.

The 3 Amigos have a fierce battle with their buddy, Bret, the morning after a sleepover. Houston has the best sword, whereas Zeke’s is duct-taped and held straight with popsicle sticks, Gabriel’s is the pitchfork from an old hand-me-down Halloween costume, and poor Bret’s is the stick from a broken shovel. Boys are so resourceful.

These dictates, which are handed down from a governing religious body, end up keeping people so focused on jumping through the hoops of following the rules, and looking “religious,” that they end up losing focus on experiencing and growing their personal and redemptive relationship with God.

You know, works-based stuff, not the life-transforming stuff of changing one’s hard heart. As my pastor puts it, all the world’s religions are about doing outside things in order to achieve an inner conversion. But Christianity is about letting God change you on the inside, which in turn creates the revolutionary outside change.

“Now that I am living in God’s gift to earth, the isothermal range of the Blue Ridge Mountains that runs down the border line of Western North and South Carolina, my mind is geared for production.” – Donald McKay

Similarly, understanding liberty allows people to promote freedom for all, even when they disagree on the many non-essentials of this world. So, what are the essentials of libertarianism, you ask?

Voluntary association, respect for private property, and non-aggression. That’s it. Everything else is up for debate. Period.

Although he missed this particular pitch, Zeke is the best hitter of the boys. This is evidenced by the recent day when Stephen took them to the batting cages, and Zeke hit dozens of balls!

Still wary of moving to the Northeast, Stephen stumbled upon a growing liberty movement in Asheville. Pros: We could live in the mountains while remaining in our beloved Carolina, as well as be much closer to Granny and still not too far from Richmond family.

Cons: Asheville is just brimming with big-government hippies. But hey, right now we live in one of the bluest counties in our state, so why not?!

One other con is that the “official” liberty community’s main tenets is peaceful parenting. Well, the gist there is that even though it sounds nice, PP is not something which I would want to adhere to or condone as my family model on the whole.

“Seen from this point, a bare ridge at the extremity of the open land … we looked up at this blue barrier as if it were some fragment of a wall which anciently bounded the earth in that direction.” – Henry David Thoreau

First of all, it is only through the Holy Spirit that I ever don’t do all the bad things that come so natural to me, like yelling, and being short-tempered, high-strung, and selfish. It’s not my politics that enables me to (sometimes) be patient, calm, selfless, empathetic, and unemotional when raising my three beautifully and uniquely made boys.

Gabriel’s biggest asset to baseball are his throwing skills, and he caught a grounder at the big game. He’s got some work to do on batting, but that’s what little league is all about: having fun and learning!

It’s solely my faith that sustains me, equips me, and gives me strength to handle this thing called parenthood. So, we’re not a child-led family, we are Jesus led. We believe in punishments, consequences, and saying “no.”

We believe that it’s up to each family to lovingly determine the discipline methods or strategies that work best for them or each child individually. We believe that families are the apex of the personal and that their guiding principles should be decided by only those who dwell within it.

We believe in parental authority: that moms and dads are responsible for their children’s upbringings, educations, and well being. We believe that all people are born innately sinful, hence, our belief in many of the aforementioned items. Many of these beliefs run counter to the PP philosophy, which also touts man’s innate goodness.

But more importantly, we believe that there is not one correct way with all others being incorrect. As long as you have the essentials right, whether it be in your Christianity, libertarianism, or parenthood, all the rest are non-essentials of these mind-and-heart journeys.

Houston is a pretty strong player, but like most kids his age, he can use some polishing of skills across the board. Daddy and I are just excited that he and his bros are putting themselves out there to be part of the Cardinals!

But who says we have to be a part of this particular liberty community, right? As long as people are open-minded and kind and willing to discuss issues that could bring about more freedom in our time (basically, their view of the non-essentials and mine), that really is the best I can hope for in this fallen world.

Plus, did I mention that the leaders of our church community group (the Bible study we have been attending for more than a year now) are thinking about moving to Asheville, too? Lindsey and Andrew are smart, sweet folks who, although quite younger than us, are extremely mature in their faith, so having insti-friends would be a perk for sure!

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

Plus, should we happen to get involved with a liberty community that is hostile to Christianity, it would be a great benefit to have our friends there to help keep us on the narrow path. Gotta have accountability and all that.

Simultaneously, though, we could be the salt and light within a secular group, smashing the preconceived notions of what it means to know Jesus, spread his love, and want to grow freedom through Him here on earth and in the hereafter. Hmmm, could be a plan!

Sure, Asheville might not have everything we want. But some other perks of the beautiful mountain city are multiple CC communities, great restaurants, awesome music, interesting people, affordable housing, and a new ADVENTURE!

A moment in sports history: the bases loaded with ALL Dillinghams! Zeke’s on first, Houston’s on second, and Gabriel’s on third … and then the Cardinals go on to win the game 8 to 7. Coincidence? I think not!

Other happenings:

  • The dudes are completely Stanley-obsessed these days. I think our 12-year-old, fat feline definitely appreciates the abundant love and attention, as opposed to the years of toddler abuse and high-pitched tantrums. Thanks for not peeing on the boys’ puzzle anymore, Stan!
  • The 3 Amigos had their first baseball game on Saturday. They’re all on the same team: St. Louis Cardinals for ages 6-8. It’s a coach-pitch, which means each player is pitched to, but a tee will be used if the he can’t get a hit.
  • Stephen finally watched Red Dawn (one of his all-time favorite movies) with the boys. It’s a bit mature for them, but we figured that with near-constant pausing for questions and explanations, it was okay. Plus, it tied in well with our Cold War history lessons!
  • Stephen taught the kids five-card draw, another leap of a maturity, but they have really caught on. You should see them bluffing and trying to keep a poker face … just too cute!
  • The 3 Amigos have had tons of outings both during the “school year” and since CC wrapped up, including multiple playdates, a couple sleepovers, a birthday party, a piano party, seeing play about the Lost Colony, and going to an astronomy event with Daddy!

The boys relax after a tour at the Civil Rights Museum. Inconspicuously located here in our very own city, this is where on February 1, 1960, four freshman from North Carolina A&T sparked a peaceful revolution that would forever change America.

  • Along with some CC pals, we visited the Civil Rights Museum, which is in the Woolworth’s where the Greensboro Four sparked the sit-in movement. It was actually quite a great tour: historically accurate without being too PC.
  • We also attended a baroque quartet performance. We took my community-group pal, Tristan, who is very pregnant and I think appreciated the diversion.
  • Tristan organized a karaoke night for the gals in our Bible study. I rocked out some Loretta Lynn and Patsy Cline, which probably came off as a bit strange to the 20-somethings in our crew, but I embrace being the old, classic-country-loving lady in the group!
  • I’ve also had a dinner out with my buddy, Holly, and gotten some major hang time with another pal, Adair. Both of these ladies have become dear friends to me. And although we don’t get to see each other that much due to mama duties (they each have four kids, and Holly is praying for more!), I cherish being even a small part of their lives. Thanks for the fun, girls!